The Power of Forgiveness

The room was still except for one powerful voice. Our guest speaker, Tim Streett, held the room’s attention as he shared his fateful story of coming to forgiveness.

Tim Streett is presently the assistant director of Shepherd Community, but his ministry work was not the focus of his talk at tonight's Trusted Mentor Recognition Night. His words carried a much more solemn tone as he shared his story of his father’s dramatic murder, which he witnessed as a teen here in Indianapolis, and his ensuing path to forgiveness.

Tim’s road to forgiveness wasn’t a straight path as he took several detours with drugs and alcohol during his college years. He related that he felt a hole in his chest that was “God-sized” and used substances to try to fill that empty void--to no avail. His emptiness could not be medicated.

Tim eventually found the courage to forgive his father’s murderers by reaching out to these men who were serving life prison sentences. Tim talked about forgiveness as an “action” that serves as the first step to inner healing. Tim shared that he wasn’t able to release his anger and bitterness within until he took the critical step of forgiving his father’s killers.

As I panned the room filled with mentors and mentees-- men and women with various backgrounds including ex-offenders, formerly homeless individuals, and young adults aging out of foster care-- I could almost see the message seeping in.

One female mentee is still dealing with her own anger toward an abusive parent. In adulthood, her anger had turned into bitterness and then severe depression that was exasperated by job loss—this tragic mix led to a bout of homelessness for her.

One young man was working on forgiving his mother for giving him up for adoption and forgiving his father for never being present in his life.

I could only imagine some of our other mentees who’d served their own prison sentences for various crimes and how they struggle with their own paths to forgiveness, including forgiving themselves.

Yet, through all of these trials and hurts, each mentee has developed a relationship with a mentor. These relationships can set the foundation for healing past wounds.  The road to healing can be long; however, anyone who’s been hurt has been hurt in relationship with other people. Significantly, we’re also healed through healthy relationships, the kind of relationships that are formed through Trusted Mentors.   

 I am grateful for our mentors who are walking alongside their mentees along their paths to wholeness.

 

Close to Home

 A lot of the Trusted Mentor stories are emotional, but this particular one is personal.

About 8 years ago, I started working in an urban community where I have eventually settled in as a homeowner. The agency I worked for, and am still connected to, equips and empowers low-income families as they pursue their dreams of first-time homeownership.

One of my first families was a single mother named Julie (not real name), with two teen children. Julie had recently completed a program in administration at Training Inc. and was fortunate enough to land a nice-paying job immediately following graduation. Julie had paid off her debt, began saving, and came to our agency ready to become a homeowner. She was so excited to build a legacy for her family by having something to pass on to her children. This accomplishment was especially sweet as Julie had grown up in the foster care system and had lived in multiple shelters and group homes, experiencing an unstable childhood--to say the least.

Over a year ago, Julie’s house burned down while the family was away on Thanksgiving break. The family returned home only to find a charred shell of a house. By this time, Julie had lost her nice-paying job and was unemployed. The tragedy of losing a home was too much to bear, so the family decided to start over in another state.

About a month ago, I received a phone call from Julie, indicating that her daughter, Camille, who recently turned 18, had decided to move back to Indianapolis to reunite with friends and her network of support. Her goal was to enroll into a local older teen/ young adult transitional home, go to school and start her career. Unfortunately, things have not worked out as orderly as she planned. Camille called me soon after arriving in Indy with a frightening plight. The family that she had planned to stay with lost their housing and she would soon be homeless in February. Since she didn’t have the necessary ID (many homeless folks don’t), she had to seek help from an agency who sent off for paperwork…a 3 week or more wait ensued. In the meantime, she’s been staying in a homeless women’s shelter and has already started working on her GED.

As she waits for her ID so that she can enroll into the homeless transitional housing, a more stable environment, she tries daily to keep her spirits up. While working with a partner agency to coordinate services for her, the young case manager has indicated to me that the most important thing we can do now is surround Camille with a network of support. I talked to her about matching Camille with a Trusted Mentor and she jumped at the opportunity, stating that one thing that makes a difference for these young adults trying to make it is positive adult support.

So, the three of us have set a lunch date to cheerlead Camille. I am happy that she will also be our newest mentee awaiting a Trusted Mentor to develop a meaningful relationship of support. I will stay involved in Camille’s life for some time to come, and I look forward to adding a mentor to her support network. Please consider becoming a mentor to encourage folks like Camille.

Help Trusted Mentors make it to the FINAL FOUR!

Bring on your Sweet 16 Enthusiasm to support Trusted Mentors!

 

GREAT NEWS! Trusted Mentors is one of 16 teams participating in "Brackets for Good" (BfG), a fundraising/awareness campaign during the month of March. Playing on March Madness, nonprofits "play" in a single-elimination bracket-style competition. The winning agency receives a $5,000 prize.

 

Starting Monday, March 4 at 12:00AM, TM will face the Youth Mentoring Initiative (YMI).

 

How do we win?  We collect more "points" (i.e. dollars) by Sunday, March 10 at 11:59:59PM. When we win, we advance to the next round! We need to win 4 rounds to receive the $5,000 prize.  Click here for the full bracket and where to donate . 

 

How good is our competitor?  Based on last year, we need to raise a minimum of $2,500 to win our first bracket. (YMI competed last year and was able to raise $2,367 in the first rd and won. In Rd. 2 they raised $2,135 but lost.)

 

Good news! We’re starting with a $1,000 donation from Calvin Fletcher’s Coffee. They have agreed to give us this via CC on the BfG site.

 

Our goal is to raise at least $1,500 in week one! That means 150 people to donate $10! Or  75 donate $20!   (But we don’t have to stop there.)

 

Thank you and let's get fired up to WIN!

 

Robert & Jeri

 

 PS - There's no fee to participate; thus, Trusted Mentors keeps 100% of the donations. BUT a 12% surcharge + .30 is added to the donation to cover the cost of Brackets for Good.  So $10 is $11.52 and $20 is $22.74.

 

PPS – Donate early so that we can get a big lead.  Then watch Sunday, March 10^th to see if we can hold the lead.  

Inspired to Give Back- One Volunteer Makes the Connection

One of my favorite things about my role as Mentor Match Coordinator at Trusted Mentors is learning what truly inspires people to volunteer.

Yesterday afternoon, I met with a talented, bright, and compassionate young business woman who so succinctly verbalized why she wants to be a Trusted Mentor.  Her thoughts were powerful enough to share.

As a young, upwardly mobile twenty-something, Mae sauntered in to the mentor interview dressed neatly in a gray suit and peacoat with her hair pulled back. We initially met during our Bags 2 Riches Gala where she volunteered as part of the planning committee. Her infectious energy and friendly demeanor made her a standout amongst the volunteers that evening and I knew I wanted to recruit her as a mentor.

Mae shared, “My life motto is to make a difference, to profoundly impact someone’s life for the better.” She stated that she feels our “deepest impact is made through close relationships.”

She spoke about our mentees, who are coming out of recent homelessness or incarceration, as people who have “a lot to admire.” They are “resilient and have fight and are able to empathize more” with others who are struggling.  She also talked about the mentee population in general as being nonjudgmental of others who have experienced hardships.

I then posed the following interview question to Mae: “How do you understand a mentor to be different than a rescuer?” Her answer was poignant, striking a chord with me. She said that the difference is, rescuers take action and the evidence of their work is external. A service is provided such as a hot meal or a warm winter coat. Mentors, on the other hand, focus on internal change. Through longer term, meaningful relationship, mentors impact what happens within their mentee so that sustainable change occurs. In other words, mentors don’t look for quick fixes--they work relationally.

When asked what she hopes to gain from a mentoring experience, Mae spoke of her desire to meet people that she “wouldn’t normally get the chance to meet” in her normal day to day life. “Everyone has a story” to share. Mae admits that she’s working on developing her listening skills, as she rightly asserts that listening is paramount as a mentor--as it is in any good relationship. Add in a dash of compassion, empathy, and commitment and Mae will certainly make an impact as a Trusted Mentor.

Resources & Relationships

As an employed single parent, I probably have hit my lowest poverty level this year. It’s been a year of transitions, as I’ve gone down to part-time at one non-profit due to financial constraints and have picked up a part-time position at Trusted Mentors (which I am so thankful for!). Child support, as many single moms know, isn’t always steady. And finally, my roommate, who has helped me in more ways than one and brings in some extra rental income, has moved out.

Therefore, as I explore the Bridges Out Of Poverty framework, I have some serious context to draw from my own life. Recently I had an interesting discussion with Afia Griffith, director of community development at St. Vincent Health, who will be coordinating our Bridges training later this month, about some of the dynamics of poverty that I’ve been experiencing…or am I?

Sure, I’ve gone months without a paycheck. Sure, I’ve learned not to rely on child support. Certainly, I’ve given up on the idea of saving for retirement anytime soon. Yet, I still realize that there is a great divide between my situational poverty experience and those experiencing generational poverty.

The poverty I’m experiencing, albeit relative, (I’m not exactly living on $2 a day like most of the world), is temporary. I have my degree, I have my house, and I have already bounced back enough to replenish most of my savings that I carved into this year. The two primary things have going for me that folks in generational poverty don’t have are: resources and relationships.

I thought seriously about one way my resources/ relationships played themselves out this past year. I have a daughter who has been diagnosed with a developmental eye disorder that requires weekly therapy from a developmental optometrist. Of course, there are only three in the entire city and the one who takes our insurance is located in Brownsburg. Now, I live and work downtown and my daughter attends a school that is also downtown. For me to take her to this appointment would require me to leave work three hours early every Wednesday, thus missing out on roughly 12 hours of pay per month. Add in gas money and you can see that this endeavor is getting a bit pricey. Keep in mind that this is therapy my daughter needs in order to do things like read, so it’s not exactly optional.

So, digging into my resources and relationships, I am fortunate that I have not one, but two grandparents who are able to take the time and energy to drive from their north-side homes downtown to pick up my daughter and take her to the far west side so that I don’t miss work and so that my daughter can benefit from needed therapy.

As a social worker, and previously a school social worker in IPS, I think about all of the students whose parents don’t have the blessing of multiple sources of support to help them get their needs met.

Keeping with the subject of my daughter, I have had the benefit of countless key resources to help in raising her that others living in generational poverty simply don’t have…here I will name a few: 1) Health Insurance, 2) Grandparents who are healthy, mobile, live in town, and were able to retire, 3) A background in social work, which led me to know what resources are out there for my child who was labeled “ADHD” even though I knew there was something deeper going on, 4) A church community, including a friend who is a physical therapist and helped me figure out what was going on with my child, 5) Two understanding employers who are also friends and give me freedom to take off work when I need to ( instead of firing me when I have to miss hours or days as I’m taking care of my daughter). My list of resources and relationships is actually too exhaustive to complete here.

As I contemplate poverty, I see how close I am to it, yet how fortunate I have been to remain out of its clutches entirely. Through my work at Trusted Mentors, I hope to help others gain a new perspective on the realities of poverty too. We will gather several of our mentors and agency partners later this month as Trusted Mentors hosts a workshop on Bridges Out of Poverty. I am thankful for our mentors as they are indeed providing a key relationship and connections to resources that our mentees so desperately need.

Spending the Holidays Alone

Mary spent Thanksgiving alone in her apartment.

She admits that a church friend did give her a call, late afternoon, to ask if she could drop a plate by. Mary already had food; what she wanted was companionship.

In 2001, Mary lost her job. As a divorced woman with no children, she found herself without a safety net. She lived in three different Indianapolis homeless shelters during her two year stint of homelessness. “I knew I didn’t like being out on the street (but it was) hard to live under rules (such as curfew) as an adult.”

“Once I got housed, it made me really appreciate it…being able to lock the door. You have your own door and key, you can cook in the kitchen if you want, or take a long soak in the tub. I like my privacy.” Mary has now been housed for eight years thanks to Shelter Plus Care and a partner agency, Partners in Housing.

 Because she was once a beneficiary of services, she is motivated to give back to the community that helped her become housed. Mary serves on the CHIP Advocacy Council and enjoys public speaking and volunteering at different events such as the annual Homeless Person’s Memorial. “Count me in- I used to be a homeless person. Just because somebody’s homeless doesn’t mean they don’t have value.”

Mary spoke to me today at a local coffee shop as I delved into her hopes for a mentor match. Mary says, “I feel like it will be nice to have a mentor.” She’s a little leery and not that trusting when it comes to relationships. She says that she’s been burned in the past. However, the prospect of companionship has promise.

When asked how a mentor could best support her now, Mary said three things: “Be committed. Be encouraging. Be prepared for anything because life has bumps in the road. Realize that we are all unique.”

As Mentor Match Manager at Trusted Mentors

Waiting to Exhale

Last night, as I thought about the events of the day, I wondered if I made any impact. Of course, my work as Mentor Match Manager is meaningful on a daily basis. Matching homeless mentees with loving, giving, caring mentors is a life-giving experience. Today was no different.

One woman in particular made an impact on me. Her story is really not so different from my own. We are about the same age, we are both single mothers and strong in our faith. The main difference in our walks today is that she has struggled with a drug addiction that has resulted in temporary separation from her three children. As she sat across from me in one of our partner women’s shelters, our eyes met and I shuddered as I processed how painful that experience must be.  With difficulty, she shared how her addiction tore through her life and ripped away the only constancy she has known: her relationship with her children.

She sat beside me, well dressed, attractive, and confident. Looking at her as a passerby, you would never guess her to be homeless. She simply doesn’t fit the image in our minds. Yet, she is. In fact, we have had more single moms in their thirties and forties referred to Trusted Mentors and now awaiting a mentor match than any other population over the past months.

My new friend shared how she had been in recovery before, and even racked up some years of clean time. She talked about how this time is different because she is getting the help that she needs from several local agencies, and because she is ready for a change. She shared how her two older children have watched her addiction nearly kill her, and have chosen to separate themselves from her life.  Although the experience of separation is heart-wrenching, she is able to see the light at the end of the long, dark tunnel.

She inhaled deeply as she expressed gratitude for the chance to focus on herself, her own recovery and healing. Her life as a daycare provider, single mother, and survivor of domestic abuse has been trying and has not allowed her the space to heal. She is grateful for these moments to exhale, and to focus on her recovery 100 percent. She expressed faith that she will reunite with her children and that they will again live under the same roof in a home of their own.

She expressed gratitude for me as I begin to find a volunteer Trusted Mentor for her; as she knows she can’t walk this road alone. She is excited about the prospect of a healthy female relationship, one that is nurturing and life-giving, one that she has been longing for.

I am thankful for our mentors, just as she is.